--- Draft- always subject to change.---

A recent discussion on Patch-L likened the behavior of some Scouting memorabilia collectors as being more in keeping with the Ferengi* Rules of Acquisition than the Scout Oath and Law. One thing led to another and the result was a compilation of the Patchengi Rules of Acquisition.

You should make it a point to avoid dealing with Patchengi or being one yourself.

1: Once you have their patch, you never give it back.
2: The patch is only yours when I can't get it back.
3: Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
4: Beware of traders bearing gifts.
5: If you can't break a deal, bend it.
6: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7: Keep your ears open and your hands out.
8: Small print leads to large risk.
9: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10: Greed is eternal.
11: Metals are not the only things that shine.
12: Any thing worth trading is worth trading twice.
13: Anything worth doing is worth doing for a patch.
14: Anything stolen is pure profit.
15: Acting stupid is often smart.
16: A deal is a deal ...until a better one comes along.
17: A bargain often isn't.
18: A Patchengi without profit is no Patchengi at all.
19: Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
20: When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat.
21: Never place friendship before profit. "
22: A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
23: Don't lie too soon after the TOR.
24: Never take the last patch, but be sure to get the best ones.
25: Fear makes a good business partner; introduce him to your customer if he can help close the deal.
26: Talk is cheap; patches cost money.
27: There's nothing more dangerous than an honest collector.
28: Be careful what you sell. It may be exactly what the customer wants / expects.
29. Never feed a Tennesee Belle.
31: Never make fun of a patchengi's Scout leader ...insult something he cares about, instead.
32: Stock talks, but having lots of it gets more attention.
33: It never hurts to suck up to the trade-o-ree chair.
34: Cheap overruns are good for business.
35: Digital punch codes are good for business.
36: Don't trust anyone who has more patches than you do.
37: Never send a trade to Greenway Drive.
38: Sleep can interfere with opportunity.
39: Buy, sell, get in the way, but make a profit.
40: She can touch your binders, but never your stock.
41: Profit is its own reward.
42: If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.
43: Any thing stolen is pure profit.
44: Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45: Only fools pay retail.
46: There's nothing wrong with FOS issues... as long as you can turn their issue to your profit.
47: Don't trust a man with a better table than your own.
48: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
49: Where there's a will there is an inheritance and may be a patch to steal.
50: Cheat them fairly.
51: Whenever you exploit someone, saying thank -you makes it easier the next time around.
52: Never ask when you can take.
53: You can't cheat a knowledgeable trader, but it never hurts to try.
54: Keep track of your patches at all times.
55: The majority of patch traders probaby did not earn their stock, they stole it.
56: The most beautiful thing about a patch is the profit to be made when you sell it.
57: Good customers are as rare as a Hawaii felt.
58: There is no substitute for success.
59: Free advice is seldom cheap.
60: Keep your lies consistent.
61: Morality is always defined by those in power.
62: The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
63: Praise is cheap. Heap it on generously and loudly.
64: If you see profit on a trip, take it.
65: Win or lose, there's always eBay.
66: Old age and greed can always overcome youth and ignorance.
67: Never admit a mistake, if there's someone else to blame.
68: Never buy anything you can't sell at a profit.
69: Always sell at the highest profit possible.
70: Patch trading without profit is like a ship without an engine.
71: Don't talk shop, talk shopping.
72: Don't talk patches, trade or sell patches.
73: Compassion is no substitute for profit.
74: Knowledge equals profit.
75: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of cut-edge felts.
76: Every once in a while raise the price and declare a sale--It confuses the heck out of your enemies.
77: There is a customer born every minute; be the first to find him.
78: A smart or knowledgeable customer is dangerous.
79: Beware of the Clyde's spouting of knowledge.
80: My patch is better than your patch.
81: The only value a patch has is what someone will pay for it.
82: The flimsier the patch, the higher the price.
83: Get the money before shipping a patch.
84: Never pay before receiving, then pay slowly.
85: Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
86: Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.
87: Trade cheap patches for more expensive ones on a 1:1 basis if possible.
88: A lie is just the truth seen from a different point of view.
89: Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits.
90: Never trust anyone who trusts you.
91: Never trust a customer.
92: Bidding early lets other Patchengi nickle and and dime you to death.
93: Sit in the back so you can see who is bidding, but they can't see you.
94: Females and Scout mugs don't mix.
95: Trade merchandise for memorabilia from those who know not the difference.
97: Enough... is never enough.
98: Every man has his price.
99: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
100: Never trust a man who knows more about your patches than you do, but calls you the expert.
101: Hang up if he's from Tennessee.
102: Vinyl decays, but mylar lasts forever.
103: Opportunity waits for no one, act with out delay.
104: Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
105: Make your table easy to find and to secure, chose a corner.
106: There is no honor in poverty.
107: Profit and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fair play and financial loss go hand-in-hand.
108: The customer is always right ... until you have his money.
109: Dignity and an empty shoebox is worth the shoebox.
110: Respect is good, patches are better.
111: Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them.
112: Never trade with the Scout Exec's mother.
113: Always trade with the Scout Exec.
114: Never spend your own money when you can spend the Lodges or someone else.
115: Never let the Oath and Law get in the way of profit.
116: If you can sell it, don't hesitate to take advantage to get it.
117: Patchengi don't give promotional gifts.
118: Even dishonesty can't tarnish the glow of profit.
119: Advancement, service and fun are a Scout's concerns, not yours.
120: Share and perish.
121: Everything is for sale, even friendship.
122: Trade on a hand shake, but make sure the check clears on a sale.
123: Even a blind man can recognize the glow of collar brass.
124: When caught cheating turn the tables as loudly as possible. When all else fails change your eBay ID.
125: You can't make your deal if you aren't at the wheel.
126: One person's secret is another's opportunity.
127: A friend in need is a customer in the making.
128: A friend in need means three times the profit.
129: A Patchengi does nothing for free.
130: Never trust a Scouter.
131: A friend is not a friend if he ask for a discount.
132: Take advantage first, then take stock.
133: Never throw anything away; it may be worth a lot later.
134: If you can't sell it, sit on it, but never give it away.
135: Pride comes before a loss.
136: He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them, sooner or later.
137: It is better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
138: A collector who has passed on doesn't demand money and the heirs may not know.
139: Wives sigh. Brothers inherit.
140: Ambition knows no family or friends.
141: Only fools pay retail.
142: A buyer is only as important as the amount of money in his pocket.
143: A trader is only as important as the patches he has in his stash.
144: There's nothing wrong with profiteering on overruns... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
145: Let the buyer / trader beware.
146: Never question luck, but look at the patch closely.
147: Anyone who can't tell a fake doesn't deserve the real thing.
148: Rules are always subject to change.
149: Rules are always subject to interpretation.
150: Patches can't buy you love, but maybe happiness or satisfaction.
151: All things come to those who wait and scheme long enough, even profit.
152: The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend, trade wisely.
153: The only way to get ahead is to cheat, but don't get caught in the process.
154: Never underestimate the importance of a first impression.
155: If you have something nice to say shout it, it attracts attention.
156: Victims, by definition , decide to be so by choice.
162: Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
168: Whisper your way to success.
177: Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their patches.
190: Hear all, trust nothing.
191. Clyde goeth before a pall.
192: Never cheat a Listowner... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194: It's always good business to know about new customers before they bid on your auction.
202: The justification of profit is profit.
203: New customers are like grubs -they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
204. Save some grubs for later.
205. It can't hurt to let a guide's state editor have one of the pre-issue samples you manage to acquire.
206: Shipping and handling is a profit center even when bidding is not.
207: What you say today, dies with today.
208: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer
209: Ego often hides ignorance that can be played upon to advantage.
211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success--don't hesitate to step on them.
212: Ignorance will deliver you patches in good times and and can be feigned as a defense in bad.
213: A dealer who does not deal plays for points and not the game.
214: Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
215: If the collector craves titles, sell him one.
217: You can't free a fish from water, but you can free him from his patches.
218: Always know what you're buying and buy what you know.
219: Buying overruns to start Scouts in the hobby, will help start them off as Patchengi.
223: Beware the man who doesn't make time for coffee and jawing when there is work to be done.
224: A trade is like chess: Sometimes you learn more watching from the side.
229: Patches last longer than lust.
230: Avoid the ingnor-anus - they will waste your time.
231: If you have no skill with real issues, invent your own to fleece the ignorant.
232: Rubbish can be sold at great profit by advertising that it's for "fun and recognition."
236: You can't buy fate.
242: More is good... all is better.
255: A wife is a luxury... patch guides are a necessity.
261: A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
263: Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for insider issues.
264: When the deal's hard to swallow, make sure the customer swallows hard.
266: When in doubt, lie.
284: Deep down, everyone's a Patchengi.
285: No honest trade ever goes unpunished.

* Who are the Ferengi?

For those who don't follow Star Trek, the homeworld of the Ferengi is Ferenginar. The Ferengi males, who all live by the Rules of Acquisition, are cheap, greedy and unreliable. Profit is their only goal and their social structure degrades females, based on the fact that the males have the lobes of success, witch are bigger then female lobes. Females are used for chewing the food for the males. They're not allowed to wear clothes and they are absolutely not allowed to make profit. Ferengi are without any manners or social structure. They do respect their politic leader, The Grand Nagus. They believe that after their deaths they will go to the Great Treasure Room, if they have made enough profit in their life. The Ferengi culture does not embrace science, except where it will provide profit.